, , , , , , , , , ,

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words.
Robert Frost

i haven’t written in a few days. sometimes writers just need to live and observe…and read, before they can write.

I ran across the Frost quote the other day and have pondered it a great deal lately. i haven’t written very much poetry of late, i have been beating myself up about it. the inner critic has reminded me i am obviously not a writer. so i’ve allowed myself to wander about. write about anything to get the writing juices flowing. enjoy some time on the local high school track to get exercise and think. and, well…hmmm…

my emotions have not found thought much lately, because i have not allowed myself to feel much lately. no emotions. no thoughts. no words. not very healthy. hence the track. it’s not just about logging miles. each step forward allows me to walk backward, toward my self. my true self. the person i was before so much…uhm…life…happened.

i used to dream in vivid color. i heard the muses whispers on the wind. i bit into life and let the juice roll down my chin. i tried things even though they scared me. i allowed myself to be vulnerable, even when i knew it would hurt. i knew love…and longing. i laughed, i cried…i felt.

but the last few years, i have merely existed. and the image and the feeling of this very short but profound poem has sat with me.

My Soul
My soul is an empty carousel at sunset.
Pablo Neruda

i survived sorrow so deep it still echoes within me. endured pain and hurt. allowed bits of myself to be chipped away. i was fractured. i was fragmented. sometimes i felt broken. but then i realized i was not shattered. broken can be fixed. pieced together. not like new, but different. better because now that the weaknesses have been exposed those parts can be secured. but in the rebuilding, and the guarding of the weak points, came the fortress. those sturdy walls that protect can also imprison.

so i am walking. and writing here. strength training for my body, mind and writing soul. each post is like a brick coming off that fortress. exposing a better writer. a stronger person…me…

do you have a favorite poem or poet who lifts you up when you are down? what words, phrases quotes speak to you?